In-Class Writing: Revisions

Revision is when I find the true story. It’s where I find what I really wanted to say with the story. I mostly free-write at first so, this is where I am able to clean it up and shape it into what I was wanting it to be. It allows me to go back and look at my mistakes whether they are grammar or structure based, and fix them for the better.

An example of this is in my first short story, “Crowbar.” I had no idea what that story was when I first finished it and left in all the wrong details. I was able to go through and clean up the story to really show the concept and theme I was going for. I was able to find the focus of the story give it a new breath and tone. That’s what I mean by finding the true story. I am able to see the story for what it is and what I want it to be.


In-Class Writing

William and Susan sat on a blanket in the middle of Central Park. It was late August and still felt like Summer. Birds flew between trees and kids played in the distance.

“Beautiful day, huh,” said William.

“Yeah, it turned out pretty nice,” Susan responded.

“So, how was your day,” William asked looking in the direction of Susan but not at her.

“It was alright. How was yours?”


Two men ran through the kids playing. One was just ahead of the other. The one in front constantly looked back the one chasing him.

“Are you ok,” William asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know you seem distracted.”

“Sorry, I’m just tired.”

“You sure?”

The man in front fell and rolled down a hill into the water opposite of William and Susan. The other stood at the top of the hill looking down on him.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with you?”

“Did you and Tom have a good time this weekend?”


The man at the top of the hill jogged down and grabbed the man laying the water. He punched the defeated man once and then again.

“I know what you and Tom do when I’m not there.”

“Stop, Will. There’s nothing there.”

“Just admit it.”

“I told you nothing is happening between. Stop being so insecure.”

In-Class Exercise

A pundit fell into a deep hole. The people heard and gathered to help, surrounding the hole. They looked down into the hole to see the Pundit.

“Give us your hand,” said the people.

Despite their offer, the Pundit sat in the hole with his arms crossed. An old man pushed his way to the front of the crowd and looked down at the Pundit.

“Is this any way to talk a pundit,” the old man asked. “Take my hand.”

The pundit grabbed the old man’s hand and was pulled out of the hole.

Conflict in O’Connor Story

The conflict in “Everything That Rises Must Converge” is clear at the very beginning of the story. O’Connor immediately gives the reader the conflict between Julian and his mother and their relationship. Julian is a college graduate still living with his mom not doing what he wants, and his mom is a stereotypical southern white woman for the time period. These two do not mix well as their virtues and philosophies clash throughout the story. O’Connor shows this at the very beginning with the hat argument and even with the exposition in the first paragraph. The conflict is immediately presented for the reader allowing the rest of the story to build until the end.

Conflict in My Characters

Conflict is the main reason for what my characters do and say. Since my first story is a kind of mystery each aspect of my characters has to move the plot along. This is plainly seen in my character Detective Durden. He is assigned to the case of finding more evidence against a guy who is suspected of killing his wife. This presents an inner conflict in him because two years before that his wife went missing and was found dead. So, he is fighting with an internal conflict of his job and personal justice. This drives the plot and drives him to solve the case beyond a reason of doubt. Conflict is also within my character suspected of killing his wife because he knows he didn’t do it and wants to find who did. He also never really loved his wife but is dealing with her death with sadness and regret. So, he also has an internal conflict he is fighting. So, both of my characters have a conflict at their core moving the plot along.

Why I Feel Sorry For Clareese

In this story, Clareese is an overzealous and innocent character blind to the world around her (Almost literally). She believes so deeply in her faith that everything she does is based on her belief. Usually, I wouldn’t like a character like this because they can get annoying over time and can be a simple character. However, in this story, I feel sorry for her. I don’t necessarily like or dislike her, I just see who she is and the situation she is in and I know that it isn’t completely her fault. She seems to have an almost cult mentality to her religion which is a product of her “mentors” that have brainwashed her. This is why I can’t dislike her because she is so innocent to what is really going on, and I can’t like her because she is this brainwashed, annoying zealot. I don’t think she truly believes what she is saying but only saying it because it is what she has been told to say. The people that are “guiding” her have assaulted her and don’t treat her with respect all in behind the guise of their religion. So, how is she supposed to act when that is all she knows. I just feel sorry for her because she is an innocent girl that seems to have been brainwashed into acting the way she is acting.